Freedom = Indecision

It's 1:30am.  We are in San Francisco, Joe is fast asleep.  I, apparently, have insomnia tonight.  I blame all my recent closes for keeping me up late hours.  My brain is still going full speed and since Joe already got to here me verbally process some, I am left to writing.

Feel privileged blog readers this one isn't going on the FB, this one is more of a journal entry.

  I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do, as far as a career I mean.  I'm grateful for my job, but I'm not a starbucks lifer :)  Which means I need to go to school for SOMETHING.  The question is what.  Part of the problem (I feel) is that there are so many things that interest me that I could do that I don't know what I really want to do.  Art, Design, Teach.  The list goes on.  Joe is telling me that I just need to register and take classes, figure it out along the way.  I have two issues with this.  One: it was ingrained in me that if I was going to college that I should know what I want to do and stick with it.  Being a "full-time student" for my "career" was not a good choice.  Two:  I feel guilty, selfish for going to school when I don't really know what I want to do when Joe knows exactly what he wants to do but can't figure out how we have the money for him to go to art school.  We talked about this whole school thing on our way to San Francisco today.  I talked about how I'm scared at the idea of not knowing what I want to go to school for.  At the idea of "failing".  But thinking about it now I think the real problem is I don't trust the decisions I make.  Stupid I know.  But I honestly think that is the problem. 

I joked around saying that it might be easier for me to create a list of careers that I don't want to do and start by process of elimination.  But I might need to do that.  I promised Joe I would fill out my FAFSA and register for college in the fall.  The idea of that scares me.  But I know he is going to hold me to it.  You'd think that at 24 I'd have a few more things figured out.  It's hard not to get too introspective.  So I'm praying. A LOT.  Hoping for.... guidance? breakthrough in my thought pattern?  I don't really know what I'm hoping for.  You know when I graduated high school I knew exactly what I wanted to go to college for and now 6 years later.....